I flirted with you all my life

I flirted with you all my life -Vic Chesnutt

I am a man. I am self aware.
Everywhere I go, you're always right there with me.

I flirted with you all my life
Even kissed you once or twice
To this day I swear it was nice.
But clearly, I was not ready.

When you touched a friend of mine, I thought I would loose my mind.
But I found out with time,
That really, i was not ready.
No, No

Oh death, oh death, oh death.
Really, I'm not ready.

Of death you hinder me.
Death makes those dear to me.
Tease me with your sweet relief.
You're cool, and you are constant.

When my mom was cancer sick,
She fought but then succumb to it.
But you made her beg for it, 
Lord Jesus, please, I'm ready.

Oh death, oh death, oh death. 
Really I'm not ready.
No no.
Oh death, oh death, oh death.
Clearly I'm not ready.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V4Z-kjr4BLs

It's fairly clear that Vic Chesnutt wanted out.  His overdose on Christmas 2009 was a suicide attempt that ended his flirtation with Death.  His friends and fans were devastated, but we can never be truly shocked or surprised when someone who has attempted suicide many times was finally successful.  Strange word successful.  Especially in this context.

I loved Vic Chesnutt's music and especially his lyrics.  The first song that drew me in was Danny Carlisle.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jZCQJX1z4rQ

He wanted a tree fort more than anything
Yes he wanted to build and defend one on his own
But the neighbor boys BB siege was overwhelming
So he won't be building his dream tree fort anymore

He received a five-speed Schwinn for Christmas
So he built a ramp out of plywood and a stump
And at nights he dreamed Evel Knievel
And a canyon to jump in his backyard

Danny Carlisle don't give a shit about the contras
Danny Carlisle is barely grown
And he's used up most of his options but still he would rather
Dream than fuck

Once he used a pocket knife to kill a garter snake
Yes he chopped that evil serpent into fours
And when he raised his eyes to heaven as a soldier
He wiped the blood of bad snake on his shirt

Danny Carlisle don't give a shit about the contras
Danny Carlisle is barely grown
And he's used up most of his options but still he would rather
Dream than fuck

What a beautiful line!  He don't give a shit about the Contras.  He's barely grown and he's used up most of his options.

Still he would rather dream than fuck.

Who writes songs like this?  No one but Vic, and now, no one.

That is why death, especially self imposed death is so devastating.  It is final.  There is no going back.

No do overs.  

In a few seconds time....life changes.  Life's disappear and all that remains are tears.